


Sotto Voce

by ilovejared



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sam's POV, Swan Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 13:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16975902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovejared/pseuds/ilovejared
Summary: A companion fic to Swan Song which details Sam's POV during Lucifer's possession.I wrote this many moons ago. Gradually moving all of my writing from tumblr to here. Just in case.





	Sotto Voce

The pain was excruciating. Endless. Cold. Infinite. It was his universe. Never-ending and ever-expanding. And when he thought he couldn’t take another microsecond of the exquisite torture, he would hear the voice. It would resonate around him, through him, and he would remember who and where he was. He was Sam Winchester and he was trapped inside his body with pure evil. Not a demon this time but an angel. An angel who’s name meant light-bringer. Lucifer.

“Sam?” The whisper was soft and he said Sam’s name as intimately as a lover would. “Don’t fight me Sam. As long as you resist, it will be extremely unpleasant for you. You cannot win against me. Be one with me and we will bring the world to it’s knees. We will remake it in our image.”

God help him, he was so tired. He had no concept of time passing. He didn’t know if it had been hours or days since he had said yes to Lucifer. He wanted to give in. He didn’t know how much more he could withstand. Why had he ever thought he was strong enough to defeat Lucifer? But then he would hear his brother’s voice saying, “If anybody can do it, it’s you.” And that one thought would echo over and over. Dean trusted him. Dean had faith in him, after everything Sam had done. After Sam had let him down, over and over again, Dean still believed in him. He wouldn’t let him down again. The one person who had always looked out for him, who had always protected him. The person who had gone to Hell so that Sam could live. He wouldn’t. He would not.

Through the red haze of pain he would focus on one word. NO.

He felt Lucifer’s utter rage as Sam continued to resist against the total domination of his essence, of what would be the total loss of self. If he allowed Lucifer to erase his humanity he, and the 6 billion people who were depending on him, would lose everything. Sam whimpered as wave after wave of fresh agony hit him and he couldn’t think about anything but enduring. He had to, because even if he could find some way to defeat Lucifer and end up in the cage, this was just a prelude to what would be his eternity.

Again, he could not discern how much time was passing but he did know that his was running out. He was losing. Lucifer was eroding his will and his self. His thoughts were becoming Lucifer’s, even the pain was dulling because he was slipping into nothingness. He was now seeking the pain to anchor himself in some sort of reality. Then he heard Lucifer speak a word that brought him back to the surface, past the pain and through it. He was in the panic room, chained to the cot. He knew this was just the imaginings of his own fevered mind but he welcomed it because it was the first thing he had “seen” on his own, that Lucifer had not just allowed him to see, since he had invited the angel in. The word that he had heard, that had brought him surging back from oblivion was Dean.

He heard a voice say something he couldn’t make out but he knew the timbre of the voice, the cadence of the words. His brother was here. Wherever here was.

He tried to free himself from the handcuffs shackling him to the narrow cot. He knew a conversation was taking place but he couldn’t comprehend what was being said. Then, in a fraction of a heartbeat, the panic room was engulfed in bitter cold. His breath was like smoke and the wall and ceiling became covered with thick, white frost. Even the manacles around Sam’s wrists and ankles became so cold they seemed to burn into his flesh. The light in the room became so bright that Sam had to close his eyes and he realized that all of this was a manifestation of Lucifer’s blinding anger toward some poor bastard. He just prayed that it wasn’t Dean.

Then Lucifer spoke. “Castiel. Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?”

And then Sam could see. He saw Cas standing in front of him with Bobby and he could sense Dean was somewhere to his left. Lucifer only had eyes for Castiel and Sam watched as the hapless angel spread his hands placatingly in front of him and stammered, “Uh, no.”

“Noone dicks with Michael but me”, Lucifer replied coldly, snapping his fingers and Sam looked on in horror as Cas exploded into chunks of bloody meat.

Sam felt Lucifer’s elation at this turn of events. He was having fun. Again. Lucifer sensed Sam’s disgust and despair and turned his inner eye once more to him and said, “Oh, I’m just getting started!”

”Sammy? Can you hear me?” Dean’s voice was cautious. Sam tried to scream. Dean! Run!

Desperately, he surged up against the manacles and to his surprise the one on his left wrist snapped. He continued to struggle as Lucifer turned his attention to Dean.

Sam concentrated on freeing himself because if he thought about his brother facing Lucifer…Jesus, what was Dean thinking? His right arm became free and he went to work on the shackles around his ankles. He almost had the left one free when he felt what he knew was a bullet pierce his right shoulder and another just miss his heart. There was no pain associated with his wounds but, again, he could see. What he saw was Bobby, a pistol dangling at his side, and he knew what Lucifer was going to do next.

Please. Don’t.

He felt Bobby’s neck snap as if it were nothing more than a twig.

Dean’s horrified “NO!” coincided with his own. Whatever happened next was eclipsed by the waves of terror crashing over Sam. He wasn’t terrified for himself. No, it was for Dean because, in an instant, he knew that Lucifer meant to kill his brother too.

“Sammy? Are you in there?” Dean spoke hoarsely through his shattered mouth.

Sam shouted with every fiber of his being. Dean! Move your ass! Dammit, he had to get loose. He had to take control. Even as Sam formed these thoughts, Lucifer turned inward and laughed.

“You’re not going anywhere, Sammy. You’ve got a front row seat. First, we’re going to dispose of your big brother and then we’ll take care of mine.”

Sam once again found himself bound to the cot. The difference this time was that he was so tightly bound he couldn’t move at all. And all he could hear was the sound of Lucifer’s, no HIS, fists pummeling his Dean’s face. The pain was back in force and , oh God, he didn’t want to watch his brother die. He tried to block it out but he couldn’t. Lucifer wanted him to see, to feel, Dean’s death. There was no light now, just darkness and pain and Dean’s face, bloodied and battered. With each blow, a little piece of Sam withered and fell away. He desperately tried to cling to something, anything, but he couldn’t breathe…couldn’t think. He was collapsing inward, like a black hole and soon, very soon, there would be nothing left. The loss of his self was happening faster and faster, like a whirlpool forming and sucking everything down with it. He could no longer remember who, where, what he was.

“Sammy, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you. I’m not gonna leave you.”

“Listen to him Sammy”, Lucifer sneered. “He’s not going to leave you. Humans. You just don’t know when to exit gracefully.”

Sam struggled to understand what he was hearing. Was he…Sammy? Suddenly, in the distance, there was a flash of light. It was so bright it hurt but he reached toward it and the voice, not the hard voice but the gentle one and saw…

Lucifer had cocked his arm to deliver a killing blow to Dean but a brilliant shaft of light reflected off the Impala and into his eyes. Then he saw…something. He was temporarily mesmerized as was Sam. Lucifer tried to finish off the groveling human if front of him but found his fist stayed by…Sam? Impossible. He had thought him too weak but suddenly he found himself embroiled in a fierce battle of wills for control of his vessel.

Sam had seen the little piece of plastic wedged into the Impala’s door and he knew it was important. But why? Then a portal opened and a flood of memories washed over him. It seemed that eons passed but it happened in a millisecond. Sam’s essence surged forward and he remembered…everything. Laughter. Tears. Fights. Hugs. Love. He took strength from those memories, from everything he and his brother had shared. He was Sam Winchester. His brother, his savior, was Dean. He would not allow this monster to use him to kill the brother who had sold his soul for him. He felt his brother’s arms around him and his self, emerged past Lucifer. Suddenly, he was gasping, the acrid air of Stull Cemetery searing his lungs. Sam was in control, not the thing inside of him that wanted to destroy the world. Sam looked at his brother’s ravaged face.

“It’s okay, Dean. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got him.”

With those words, it was like a hurricane had been unleashed in his mind. Lucifer screeched and howled in impotent fury against Sam’s skull. Sam wanted to go to Dean but he didn’t dare risk it. He didn’t know how long he would have the strength to do what had to be done. Instead, he dug in the pocket of his jeans for the horseman’s rings, and throwing them to the ground, chanted the words that would open the cage.

The ground disentegrated in front of Sam and he heard the wails and screams emanating from the depths of Hell.

All the while, Lucifer was screaming inside his head. “You hear them, Sammy? What they’re experiencing is nothing compared to what I’m going to do to you. I created Alastair. I know ways to torture a soul that he coudn’t begin to envision. I’ll gut everyone you’ve ever loved in front of you, over and over. You’ll listen to their screams. You’ll…”

Sam bore down with all of the power of his mind. SHUT. UP.

Lucifer’s rants became a dull roar. Sam felt like his skull was going to explode. He turned and looked at Dean, took a deep breath and nodded.

He turned back to the pit and then a voice stopped him cold. He had forgotten about the archangel. Michael was back.

“Sam, it’s not going to end this way. Step back.”

“You’re going to have to make me”, Sam ground out through clenched teeth. He saw Michael’s lips move in response but he could hear nothing but Lucifer.

“You can’t defeat me. You’re a failure. You’re worthless…” Sam clamped down with all his will to drown out the vile invectives Lucifer was spewing.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Sam looked at Dean again, and this time he knew it would be the last time he saw his big brother’s face. Closing his eyes, Sam felt the warmth of the sun on his face, the wind whipping around his body and he simply fell.

Dimly, over Lucifer’s constant screaming, he heard Michael yell. Then he felt Michael’s hand on his jacket trying to prevent his fall. Sam grabbed on to Michael and, using his momentum, sent them both over the edge into the abyss.

The ground closed above them and the darkness swallowed them. Sam could see a pinprick of light far below them. He knew what he was plunging toward. This was his destiny. An eternity of endless pain and torture. Noone would be coming for him. There would be no rescue. Not this time.

But as Sam plummeted toward the fate that awaited him, there was a smile on his face.

Because there was one thought echoing through his mind. One thought that he would hold onto through the countless millenia. One thought that would help him endure and stay sane. Until he couldn’t think anything anymore.

Dean is safe. Dean is safe. Dean is safe.

Dean. Is. Safe.

Dean. Is.

Dean.


End file.
